Last month I resolved to write more. Everyday in fact. But did I? Actually, I came pretty close. Having my journal on me everyday was like carrying along an old friend. I missed writing about small moments and dreams of things to come. It was also nice being able to look back throughout the month and see the lessons that I have learned and how things have developed with a particular relationship or situation. For a long time my journal was my key to sanity and hope so I appreciated the opportunity to re-connect. I suppose I won’t write in my journal as much as this next month progresses but hopefully will be writing more often. Reigniting the power of words within me.
As always, now we move into the next month. Beautiful, hopeful, May. At first I wasn’t sure what I wanted to improve on or challenge myself with. Than I went to an inspiring yoga workshop over the weekend and there it was. The essence of the workshop was celebrating your inner Goddess through meditation, song, writing, dance, and yoga. What I came away with that night, however, was a closeness to my fellow Goddess sisters that I have never felt before.
I have never had a lot of female friends. I have even fewer female friends that I have actually stayed in contact with as I have moved around. Always falling out of touch and than simply out of mind. I have continually wondered about this and early on envied the relationships that other women seemed to have with each other. Telling all their experiences and deep dark secrets. But eventually I decided that it just meant that I was better in some way. I was independent and didn’t need the crutch of a gaggle of girlfriends to complete me. “Girls night out” caused me to make a face of disgust and I rarely ever attended parties that only included women. It had nothing to do with wanting the attention of men, but I just felt out of place and self-conscious. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate. I respect, admire, and I have often have good experiences with women but there always seemed to be this sense of competition, judgement, and disconnection.
But finally the other night at the workshop, for the very first time in this circle of women, I finally felt free of that. I was safe to speak my truth and our amazing guide allowed understanding for the light and the darkness within all of us. For the first time I wasn’t looking at anyone’s clothes, judging their choices, or feeling those same energies from someone else. We we completely bare and that just made us stronger. For some this probably isn’t a new idea or perhaps seems obvious. But for myself, its like a light-bulb went on and I can finally see the strength that is cultivated when groups of women unite free of society’s ideals for us and what we are “supposed” to be.
So with that in mind, my intention for May came forward. To make stronger connections with my sisters, help other women to see their Goddess within, and to let go of my judgements that I seem to carry.