One yogini sharing her path of discovery

Posts tagged ‘kindness’

May Goddess, Part 2

mahamudra-metta

Wow, what an eye-opener this month has been.

If you weren’t here for the beginning of May, my resolution for this month is to appreciate my fellow Goddess’ more instead of participating in gossip, shaming, jealousies, and other women against women behavior. My issues with other women and my relationships with them runs deeper than I imagined. First off, having this awareness made it suddenly so obvious how often I do these things and that it actually (however temporary) feels good in the moment. I have grown up where its been taught that this is “bad” form but everyone does it and that’s that. End of lesson. I have habitual thought patterns when it comes to the way I think about women. I have also come to realize that I have a very specific requirements in a female that I take on as a friend. After a few toxic female friendships I seem to have made the decision to limit even my interactions with women and only attempting friendships when I am sure that the particular individual is going to appreciate my effort.

So after, basically, my whole life of worshiping some women while ripping apart others I am attempting to adapt my thought pattern to appreciate and love every girl and women and her own inner Goddess.

SOooo how the heck do I do this?

 

Practice:

1. Cultivating new friendships free of expectations – one of the main reasons I think I have ended up on the bitter side of friendship is because of my own high expectations within them. I abandoned expectations in my romantic relationship and it has resulted in the most spectacular love and appreciation for one another. So my friendships have followed suit. It seems so simple but giving up control in any relationship can be challenging.

 

2. Smiling – Women are not going to all get along all the time. We have different personalities and interests but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t appreciate and respect one another. Just because an individual doesn’t share my view on life or acts a particular way doesn’t mean they aren’t worthy of my love. So as a  simple gesture I have decided to give every women I come into contact with a smile. A real one! A nice side-effect is that this practice has also filtered outward to everyone … men, dogs, cats, and trees. Smiles for everyone!

 

3. Metta Meditation- The cultivation of loving-kindness (mettā bhāvanā). In the Buddhist tradition, this practice begins with the meditator cultivating loving-kindness towards themselves and/or sending it out to one’s loved ones, friends, teachers, strangers, enemies, and finally towards all beings. I have chosen to utilize this meditation on my own loving quest with women either  by visualizing a particular female friend, family member, co-worker, or sending out a blanket of loving-kindness to the women of the world. If you choose to practice this as well you can also recite loving words to send to yourself or others (example: ” I send loving-kindness to all beings” )

 

I am feeling hopeful and happy about these new outlooks and changes. Also very lucky to be surrounded by fearless females that inspire me to be better and love more. Gratitude!

Namaste

xo carly

Be Kind

You cannot rely on the kindness of others, without yourself being kind.

In my variety of roles (yoga instructor, physio assistant, receptionist) I see a variety of people and so much of what I learn and write is from them. And in these various roles the thing that I learn the most is the importance of kindness. It is the backbone of costumer service and the thing that can mean the difference between a good day and a total shit day for the consumer or the person providing the service.  The most recent reminder was from a long-time patient at the clinic. She is 86, very arthritic, and completely reliant on the kindness of others. Her ego prevents her from getting an appropriate walking aid so she must cling on to any available body to get from place to place. She has volunteers do her grocery shopping and a cab driver that has agreed to take her anywhere she needs to go for next to nothing. When she comes in to our clinic about twice a week she is usually complaining about something. The weather, parking, the volunteers that help her, but always her driver. Most days he brings her up she is yelling at him about something he did and if he is even 2 minutes late picking her up she gets mad at him.  As an outsider it appears like (lets be honest I could be way off base) she treats him like her slave. About a week ago her cab driver told her that at the end of the month he doesn’t want to drive her anymore and he didn’t know anyone that would be able to take over for him. It may seem cruel but after years of taking her everywhere while being treated like a second class citizen I am not surprised he needs a break. Now she is continually distraught over the fact that she won’t have a driver come summer time but refuses to use any other service because they won’t do anything extra for her and still treats him badly.

*** An important thing to keep in mind is that for some people mental health issues such as dementia can be a factor (although in this situation I believe it to be more related to race and class) and the true lesson is that kindness and gratitude should always be put forward regardless of actions towards ourselves. ***  And own personal lesson in this situation is most definitely continual awareness. We can easily get distracted with cellphones and our own personal issues when dealing with people. Or if someone has been doing something for us for a long time we can forget to be appreciative or not realize the favor at all. Just like love, when you give kindness you get kindness.

kindness

Compliments Continue

you are amazing

Already half-way through March and I am most definitely feel the benefits of this months resolution to give at least 5 genuine compliments a day. It may be the weather getting warmer, longer daylight hours, or the excitement of up-coming events that has got me beaming but I would also like to salute the compliments of this month.

The first few days required a bit of thought. Looking towards others across my desk or in line beside me at the coffee shop and finding something to admire. That came surprisingly easy and made me realize that I am thinking nice things about people all the time. The hard part was actually saying it out loud. How silly it is that I have a tough time telling a stranger that I think they are beautiful or a co-worker that I admire their work ethic. I like to think of myself as an open and honest individual that can cut through the barriers that society has chosen to put up – but I am still very much a product of my environment.

But after those first few compliments to friends and strangers the words began to flow with ease free of strings. I was also happy to observe that most people excepted the compliments gracefully and I think it even helped bring me closer to someone I work with that in the past had not kept her dislike of me much of a secret.

The area in which I have a ways to go, however, is complimenting myself. Either I forget to do all together or if I remember I then don’t even compliment anything and instead end up getting hung up on something I feel like I need to work on. I don’t consider myself as someone with an abundance of self-hate but I am most certainly not allowing myself to truly self-love.

I am so grateful for the awareness that this last resolution has brought me and I look forward to working on my self-LOVE and forming new relationships with the amazing people that are all around.

xoxoxox

Carly

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