Goddess’ of May

Last month I resolved to write more. Everyday in fact. But did I? Actually, I came pretty close. Having my journal on me everyday was like carrying along an old friend. I missed writing about small moments and dreams of things to come. It was also nice being able to look back throughout the month and see the lessons that I have learned and how things have developed with a particular relationship or situation. For a long time my journal was my key to sanity and hope so I appreciated the opportunity to re-connect. I suppose I won’t write in my journal as much as this next month progresses but hopefully will be writing more often. Reigniting the power of words within me.

As always, now we move into the next month. Beautiful, hopeful, May. At first I wasn’t sure what I wanted to improve on or challenge myself with. Than  I went to an inspiring yoga workshop over the weekend and there it was. The essence of the workshop was celebrating your inner Goddess through meditation, song, writing, dance, and yoga. What I came away with that night, however, was a closeness to my fellow Goddess sisters that I have never felt before.

I have never had a lot of female friends. I have even fewer female friends that I have actually stayed in contact with as I have moved around. Always falling out of touch and than simply out of mind. I have continually wondered about this and early on envied the relationships that other women seemed to have with each other. Telling all their experiences and deep dark secrets. But eventually I decided that it just meant that I was better in some way. I was independent and didn’t need the crutch of a gaggle of girlfriends to complete me. “Girls night out” caused me to make a face of disgust and I rarely ever attended parties that only included women. It had nothing to do with wanting the attention of men, but I just felt out of place and self-conscious. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate. I respect, admire, and I have often have good experiences with women but there always seemed to be this sense of competition,  judgement, and disconnection.

But finally the other night at the workshop, for the very first time in this circle of women, I finally felt free of that. I was safe to speak my truth and our amazing guide allowed understanding for the light and the darkness within all of us. For the first time I wasn’t looking at anyone’s clothes, judging their choices, or feeling those same energies from someone else. We we completely bare and that just made us stronger. For some this probably isn’t a new idea or perhaps seems obvious. But for myself, its like a light-bulb went on and I can finally see the strength that is cultivated when groups of women unite free of society’s ideals for us and what we are “supposed” to be.

So with that in mind, my intention for May came forward. To make stronger connections with my sisters, help other women to see their Goddess within, and to let go of my judgements that I seem to carry.

February Resolution

The first month of my year of resolutions went good. January was no complaining and although I most definitely complained about this and that I feel the overall benefit of putting that intention forward. Not only did it help me to change some of my inner negative talk but it also influenced others. Even my partners cousins adapted “No complaining” for their own household for the year which I found very inspiring.

Now we enter into February. Where I intend to unplug from my cell phone and ipod and tune into the sounds of the world around me. This means no cellphone in social situations and no ipod while making my way from place to place. There were a few things that motivated this as the choice for February. (Also lets move forward without judgement and instead interest)

1. My boyfriend is constantly on his phone. When we are hanging out at home, when we are walking down the street, in a Car2Go, waiting for a movie to start, and out for dinner. Most of the instances didn’t really bother me but when he spent more time looking at his phone than at me during dinner I started to get impatient about it.

2. I am not really on my phone that much but I am constantly looking at my phone. I don’t know what exactly I am looking for but all day long I gaze at my phone seeing if my little red “message” light is flashing. If it is I will check to see what email or text I may have received. If its not, I will look again in 10 seconds. Also I don’t like to go ANYWHERE without my phone. It is generally within arms reach and I even take it with me on the 15 minute break from work to go and get some take-out.

3. I want to turn off my ipod and turn on my hearing. There are a couple reasons I want to include the ipod. If I am walking, it is always on playing whatever tickles my fancy at that particular moment. This is something I have always loved. Walking, or travelling with music. I have had many magical moments this way where I am often brought to tears by the beauty of the world around me and the power of a song. But I feel as though I am missing out on the sounds of birds, trees in the wind, and people passing by. Also, unfortunately one of my motivations is slightly rooted in fear. I work early most mornings and I up hours before the sun starts peeking its way on to the world. I had a thought that if anyone in those early morning walks wanted to follow me and/or attack me I may not hear it coming.

I am hoping that this will bring me closer to the world as well those around me. In our ever struggle to connect more with others through the internet we are indvertantly disconnecting from people in the ‘real world’. I don’t want it to be considered strange to chat with a stranger or smile at the people passing me by as I walk from place to place. I want to hear more stories of the world in hopes to cultivate more love and less seperation.

Namaste

xo

Carly